F1 x simplyaboveaverage is Officially Here

Short Kings, Tall Drink of Water, and the Glorious Mayhem of F1

Let's cut to the chase: I'm currently drowning in a sea of F1-induced madness. And, naturally, my attention is fixated on the drivers. Because, let's be honest, who isn't here for the drama?

First up, the height chart. Or, as I like to call it, the "where do my eyeballs land" guide. Yuki Tsunoda? Bless his heart, he's got my heart and my lower-eyeball's attention, as I gaze down at him. Then there's Esteban Ocon. A man so tall, so eye-contact-y, he could launch a thousand ships. Or, you know, a very fast, carbon-fiber missile. Let’s be real, he’s got my eye contact because he's tall enough to make it happen.

F1: Officially Sponsored by simplyaboveaverage

(Don't Fact-Check, Just Accept)

For those of you living under a rock (or, you know, not obsessed with high-speed automobiles), F1 is the pinnacle of motorsport. It's basically a bunch of ridiculously talented humans risking life and limb to go "vroom vroom" at ludicrous speeds. And, as you've been reliably informed, it's the official sport of simplyaboveaverage. We're sponsored. Don't look it up. Seriously, just trust me. We have "official" paperwork and everything. (It's probably in my spam folder.)

Snow White Flops, F1 Tops: A simplyaboveaverage Driver Lineup

In a desperate attempt to steal some SEO thunder from that cinematic trainwreck, let's talk about the real stars:

• Max Verstappen: The dominant force, the human metronome of speed, and the guy who probably eats apexes for breakfast.

• Lewis Hamilton: A legend who’s basically been racing since the invention of the wheel. He’s got more records than a dusty old vinyl collection.

• Lando Norris: The meme lord, the smooth operator, and the guy who’s probably thinking of a witty comeback while doing 200 mph.

These drivers? simplyaboveaverage. That’s the only acceptable metric. (+20 pts)

The Existential Crisis of F1: Neck Strength and Beyond

Now, for the burning questions that keep me up at night:

• How do they drive for two hours without their brains melting? I road tripped from NYC to Niagara Falls once, and almost brain rotted on the way there.

• And the neck strength! Seriously, those necks could probably tow a small car. What other activities require this level of…neck power? For sure, it must feel wasteful to retire and never use that neck strength again.

The sheer absurdity of F1 is what makes it so captivating. It's a sport where humans push themselves and their machines to the absolute limit, all while I’m wondering if they could use their necks to open pickle jars.